Haunted

King’s Carrie was a girl

though her mother

thought more like a whore

Little Carrie liked to twirl

In her head she liked to whirl

And her story

we all know well

how she rose

and up rose hell

Dearest Prince,

(Epilogue of Kiss Sleeping Beauty Good-Bye by Madonna Kolbenschlag)

the legend

The frog is an amphibian . . . that is an animal with two types of life, a fishlike life as a tadpole and a (predominantly) land life as a frog. This animal, therefore, is an excellent symbol of the gradual metamorphosis from one world to another, or for a messenger from the sphere of the more fluid soul-world to the solid, material world.

--- Julius Heuscher, Psychiatric Study of Fairy Tales

My guilts are what

we catalogue.

I’ll take a knife

and chop up frog.

Frog has no nerves.

Frog is as old as a cockroach.

Frog is my father’s genitals.

Frog is a malformed doorknob.

Frog is a soft bag of green . . . 

At the feel of frog

the touch-me-nots explode

like electric slugs.

Slime will have him.

Slime has made him a house.

--- Anne Sexton, “The Frog Prince”

In a way this story tells that to be able to love, a person first has to become able to feel; even if the feelings are negative, that is better than not feeling. In the beginning the princess is entirely self-centered; all her interest is in her ball. She has no feelings when she plans to go back on her promise to the frog; gives no thought as to what this may mean for it. The closer the frog comes to her physically and personally, the stronger her feelings become, but with this she becomes more a person. For a long stretch of development she obeys her father, but feels ever more strongly; then at the end she asserts her independence in going against his orders. As she thus becomes herself, so does the frog; it turns into a prince.

--- Bruno Bettelheim, The Uses of Enchantment

 Youth Knows No Pain

Integration of S.B.

So much has changed since 1979. For starters, I’m like twelve times heavier and three times as long! Not to mention the annihilation of the nuclear family, the disappearance of the modest girl as well as the search for something more than resources: i.e. food, clothing, shelter. Modern man finds himself in search of something he took for granted for most of his human existence: meaning.

And modern woman fights for the right to be equal to her male companion, to have her pronoun as the generic form of human, or at least to be recognized as part of the human race.

But what is it we really want? To be less than? To be something we are not? To leave behind the complications of being a woman and jump on Dick and Harry’s boat? To tell the guy’s what losers they are? They’ve been telling us since the beginning of time.

Women claim to have surpassed the status of their grandmothers. They see their predecessors as softies who never fought for their independence like modern girls. They fail to see how their fight for their families was in fact a fight for themselves. They fail to see how the current rebellion against everything and for nothing is a clumsy waste of resources, a mistake their grandmothers would not afford.  

And in the irony of the tornado we find ourselves spinning in, women have in fact become their very own worst enemies, attacking themselves first and each other next. Practically forgetting about the boys altogether until he becomes the one who leaves one for another one.

Some might argue the world has changed too quickly in the last century, especially the last several decades, and that a book about women from three or four decades ago is too out of touch with modern women. I would argue, first and foremost, “Where IS Modern Woman?!?!?!?” and secondly, the complicities of modern times make it necessary to dig deeper to our roots, our core, our beginnings.

Fairytale

Imagine

I imagine a day

when all will

f         .

Wonder

often I wonder

if perhaps it twas

a man

Sleeping Beauties

Kiss Sleeping Beauty Good-Bye

by Madonna Kolbenschlag

The book that broke the spell of feminine myths and models, giving men & women a new direction, continues to engage and enlighten, asking, “What does a woman want?"

HarperSanFrancisco ~ Copyright 1979

Forward & Postscript Copyright 1988

Fairytale

Initiation & Descent

from the Heroine's Journey by Maureen Murdock (p.87-94)

they say you lurk here still, perhaps

in the depths of the earth or on

some sacred mountain, they say

you walk (still) among men, writing signs

in the air, in the sand, warning warning weaving

the crooked shape of our deliverance, anxious

not hasty. Careful. You step among cups, step out of

crystal, heal with the holy glow of your

dark eyes, they say you unveil

a green face in the jungle, wear blue

in the snows, attend on

births, dance on our dead, croon, fuck, embrace

our weariness, you lurk here still, mutter

in caves, warn, warn and weave

warp of our hope, link hands against

the evil in the stars, o rain

poison upon us, acid which eats clean

wake us like children from a nightmare, give the slip

to the devourers whom I cannot name

the metal men who walk

on all our substance, crushing flesh

to swamp

                       Diane Di Prima, “Prayer to the Mothers”

Women’s Initiation

The descent is characterized as a journey to the underworld, the dark night of the soul, the belly of the whale, the meeting of the dark goddess, or simply as depression. It is usually precipitated by a life-changing loss. … ….

Go

Mistakes I’ve made could cost me the most

Things I’ve said to see could blind me instead

I thought the worst mistake I could make

was all the destruction I could unleash

But maybe instead it was all that I said

when I was looking for faith and begging for love

Lost in the night, so close to what’s bright

finding things along the way that didn’t come

together till the last thought

And maybe he was listening better than I thought

It’s so hard to be sure when everyone I know

is playing a game to get to the top

of a place filled with shame and blame

You

Its so easy to get distracted and fall back asleep

How did you become everything?

What was everything before you?

It’s just so hard to see past myself

when I want to be with you so much

I can’t think about them when my

heart’s been broken open wide

to suffer from all life’s wind

I really don’t care about them in the end

right now and forever all I want is to be

close to you

You’ve created a monster

I don’t even deserve to be

but I don’t care. All I care about is you

All I want is you

All I ache for is you

All I need is you

YOU, YOU, YOU!!!!!!

What have you done to me!

I don’t even like myself anymore

But it really doesn’t matter now

cause all I can feel is the hole you left behind

It’s always here…it’s never far

Distractions and illusions amid mass confusions

Steering the way, directing my day

lend me a laugh, or a wise thing to say

scattered treasures to help overcome obstacles

Along the way

But all along

The hole inside

Is always near

A second away

Lying right behind

The thin mask of day

The Truth

Looking ahead

never falling back in time

We’ve lost our connection to the Truth

Not the truth of man or science or logic

Not the truth of facts & statistics & theories

But the Truth, the real truth to it all

Don’t even respect your very own soul

It’s no wonder life lost all its wonder

We live to prove

We’re better than most

Bitterness and betrayals

Swallow our souls

We’ll give it all up

To spend more at the mall

Just do what’s right

What you know in your heart

If we all did this

Life would restart

Life's Wind

Yes, I found something

I can’t name it

I can’t define it

I can only feel it

And be uplifted by it

I can see through it, through its eyes

But I can’t see it

I can’t hold it or take it

To claim it as my own

I can only join it

And give my soul back to its flow

Hazy Life

What should I do

with my time here on earth

A person with the potential

to shed a little light

Should I seek some star

not knowing if I’ll go too far

Should I strive my whole life

when it’s impossible to see

With clarity, with surety

with absolute security

The answer seems clear cause

I’ll only fail if I never try

If I work my whole life

to open the world to its true self

And I leave this world untouched by my souls’ flame

Then at least regret and shame

won’t fill me with blame

Divine Art

The words come out so perfect

In so many famous songs

It must be proof of the force

To which we all belong

I want to create some magic

I want to be given a sign

I want to enter the mystery

I want to feel the divine

Lost Love

I don’t know why…we’re living a lie

In a world of illusion

Mass confusion

I don’t know why…we define our love

With rules and regulations

Lacking fusion

We give our souls…to the one we love

Projecting all our feelings

Never healing

We place our love… in a special space

So it is safe…from all our fears

We leave it out…as we enter the world

To conquer the hour…and rule the day

To honor and love… we save for closed doors

To control and win…our goals in the world

No shame, no blame…for all the damage done

To a world which is seen…as one with none

The paradox of the puzzle…comes from the heart

Of each, who struggles…with life from the start

For each who brawls…and never bends

Is really harming…themselves in the end

All in all…it will all work out

A perfect system…without a doubt

But the time it might take…to enter our light

Could go on for eternity…with no end in sight

My Mundane Magic

Magic and mundane just don’t seem the same

Opposite ideas with different names

Magic is not seen in our daily chores

In the tasks we do ~ the way we respond

Magic is not seen at work or at home

In the love we give and the peace we bring

The magic of life is out of this world

Saved for fairytales and places far away

Sacred and fleeting ~ untouchable to us

But magic exists on another level

On a smaller scale ~ with a different feel

Magic exists within us all

My magic may seem flimsy and weak

It won’t pay the bills like food and heat

It’s not taught at school or within their holy walls

Its left out alone ~ or swatted like a fly

My magic is much more than I can understand

The more magic u give the more magic u find

My magic lifts me into the magic of this land 

Hidden Treasures

Everywhere I turn…I find insights in this life

Lying in opposition, it can’t be both ways

I think it’s all wrong, it’s all gone astray

But within their core, most have a door

Into the treasures, unveiled by fate

Gifts of wisdom that spring from your mind

These insights abound throughout the night

Found in every crack and around every corner

No boundaries constrain their sundry positions

But they’re not all right, no whole truths in sight

A shimmer here and a glitter there

Surrounded by myths, lies and human fears

To have the truth laid out in plain sight

Would just make life so dull and boring

Mysteries are so much more alluring

The Good of Bad

When things turn blue…as they sometimes do

When all is wrong…and can’t be fixed

When life is dull…and lacking light

And you seem to think…it’s all not right

When life is stormy… and you’re getting dreary

You may think it’s a game…you may get weary

You just may think…the worlds’ out for you

And in some strange way…it may be true

If all were well…as we all might wish

Then we wouldn’t have to…go out and fish

We’d just sit tight…not needing a thing

We’d never grow…we’d always be the same

Like matter in space…objects in motion

We just tend to stick to all the same notions

Moving the right way…at just the right pace

Until some other force gets in our way

Multiplicity

I had a vision…a soul changing night

I fell to the ground…and entered the light

Just for a second…the secrets I saw

Just for a second…I perceived it all

So little recalled…now that it’s past

Even right then … I knew it wouldn’t last

All revelations…were lost in the end

My spirit within…blistered by its wind

One fragment I hold, one clue remains

All I remember, all that is sane

It came in stages it came in spews

I saw it all, but not at once

To take in this… you had to be here

To grapple that …you had to go there

 And then it was gone…it just could not last

It came very quick…and left really fast

But when I learn of levels in life

I feel the ideas could solve some strife

To see the brilliance of multiplicity

And give in to your own generosity

Y

Could it be that it’s not just me?

Could the problems in life stretch back in time

   To a split between two unique powers

      So overwhelmed by the other

         They ran off in fear

            Of a force that controls them

               In every known way

Pulling them up and

   Pushing them down  

      Just to feel how it feels

         To fall so far

            And fly so high

         To burn in hell

            And soar in heaven

         To live through the death of it all

            Reborn to a life

                Where they're finally free

And were happy just to be

   To live again: in peace…in love

      More alive than before

         More ready for it all

            Because you felt the fall

               Begged for an end to it all

And in the end God answered your call.

MISSISSIPPI

Faith and love is all that matters

   at least for the next 4 weeks

      I might not be able to do it forever

         but I can for at least 4 weeks

Better or else

   I’ll be the biggest hypocrite of all

In the end I’d rather be miserable with U

   then alone in a void of nothingness 

       ~ the hell I felt ~

So the only way to go on is to never lose hope

   that eventually love will win and all will give in

We’ll get it right in the long run

   So I must go on and keep trying

      to hold on to my faith that heaven will be

         if not in this life time then in the next

            or the next, or the next, or the next…..

So I’ll put up with the games

   and even except all the blame

      just to have the chance

         to show you we’re all the same

            and I’m really better friends

               with your soul than your ego

                  with all it’s fame

                     evading all blame

                        having no shame

                           it’s oh so lame!

I swear we’re all the same

   when we reenter our flame