Initiation & Descent

from the Heroine's Journey by Maureen Murdock (p.87-94)

they say you lurk here still, perhaps

in the depths of the earth or on

some sacred mountain, they say

you walk (still) among men, writing signs

in the air, in the sand, warning warning weaving

the crooked shape of our deliverance, anxious

not hasty. Careful. You step among cups, step out of

crystal, heal with the holy glow of your

dark eyes, they say you unveil

a green face in the jungle, wear blue

in the snows, attend on

births, dance on our dead, croon, fuck, embrace

our weariness, you lurk here still, mutter

in caves, warn, warn and weave

warp of our hope, link hands against

the evil in the stars, o rain

poison upon us, acid which eats clean

wake us like children from a nightmare, give the slip

to the devourers whom I cannot name

the metal men who walk

on all our substance, crushing flesh

to swamp

                       Diane Di Prima, “Prayer to the Mothers”

Women’s Initiation

The descent is characterized as a journey to the underworld, the dark night of the soul, the belly of the whale, the meeting of the dark goddess, or simply as depression. It is usually precipitated by a life-changing loss. … ….

Go

Mistakes I’ve made could cost me the most

Things I’ve said to see could blind me instead

I thought the worst mistake I could make

was all the destruction I could unleash

But maybe instead it was all that I said

when I was looking for faith and begging for love

Lost in the night, so close to what’s bright

finding things along the way that didn’t come

together till the last thought

And maybe he was listening better than I thought

It’s so hard to be sure when everyone I know

is playing a game to get to the top

of a place filled with shame and blame

You

Its so easy to get distracted and fall back asleep

How did you become everything?

What was everything before you?

It’s just so hard to see past myself

when I want to be with you so much

I can’t think about them when my

heart’s been broken open wide

to suffer from all life’s wind

I really don’t care about them in the end

right now and forever all I want is to be

close to you

You’ve created a monster

I don’t even deserve to be

but I don’t care. All I care about is you

All I want is you

All I ache for is you

All I need is you

YOU, YOU, YOU!!!!!!

What have you done to me!

I don’t even like myself anymore

But it really doesn’t matter now

cause all I can feel is the hole you left behind

It’s always here…it’s never far

Distractions and illusions amid mass confusions

Steering the way, directing my day

lend me a laugh, or a wise thing to say

scattered treasures to help overcome obstacles

Along the way

But all along

The hole inside

Is always near

A second away

Lying right behind

The thin mask of day

The Truth

Looking ahead

never falling back in time

We’ve lost our connection to the Truth

Not the truth of man or science or logic

Not the truth of facts & statistics & theories

But the Truth, the real truth to it all

Don’t even respect your very own soul

It’s no wonder life lost all its wonder

We live to prove

We’re better than most

Bitterness and betrayals

Swallow our souls

We’ll give it all up

To spend more at the mall

Just do what’s right

What you know in your heart

If we all did this

Life would restart

Life's Wind

Yes, I found something

I can’t name it

I can’t define it

I can only feel it

And be uplifted by it

I can see through it, through its eyes

But I can’t see it

I can’t hold it or take it

To claim it as my own

I can only join it

And give my soul back to its flow

Hazy Life

What should I do

with my time here on earth

A person with the potential

to shed a little light

Should I seek some star

not knowing if I’ll go too far

Should I strive my whole life

when it’s impossible to see

With clarity, with surety

with absolute security

The answer seems clear cause

I’ll only fail if I never try

If I work my whole life

to open the world to its true self

And I leave this world untouched by my souls’ flame

Then at least regret and shame

won’t fill me with blame

Divine Art

The words come out so perfect

In so many famous songs

It must be proof of the force

To which we all belong

I want to create some magic

I want to be given a sign

I want to enter the mystery

I want to feel the divine

Lost Love

I don’t know why…we’re living a lie

In a world of illusion

Mass confusion

I don’t know why…we define our love

With rules and regulations

Lacking fusion

We give our souls…to the one we love

Projecting all our feelings

Never healing

We place our love… in a special space

So it is safe…from all our fears

We leave it out…as we enter the world

To conquer the hour…and rule the day

To honor and love… we save for closed doors

To control and win…our goals in the world

No shame, no blame…for all the damage done

To a world which is seen…as one with none

The paradox of the puzzle…comes from the heart

Of each, who struggles…with life from the start

For each who brawls…and never bends

Is really harming…themselves in the end

All in all…it will all work out

A perfect system…without a doubt

But the time it might take…to enter our light

Could go on for eternity…with no end in sight

My Mundane Magic

Magic and mundane just don’t seem the same

Opposite ideas with different names

Magic is not seen in our daily chores

In the tasks we do ~ the way we respond

Magic is not seen at work or at home

In the love we give and the peace we bring

The magic of life is out of this world

Saved for fairytales and places far away

Sacred and fleeting ~ untouchable to us

But magic exists on another level

On a smaller scale ~ with a different feel

Magic exists within us all

My magic may seem flimsy and weak

It won’t pay the bills like food and heat

It’s not taught at school or within their holy walls

Its left out alone ~ or swatted like a fly

My magic is much more than I can understand

The more magic u give the more magic u find

My magic lifts me into the magic of this land 

Hidden Treasures

Everywhere I turn…I find insights in this life

Lying in opposition, it can’t be both ways

I think it’s all wrong, it’s all gone astray

But within their core, most have a door

Into the treasures, unveiled by fate

Gifts of wisdom that spring from your mind

These insights abound throughout the night

Found in every crack and around every corner

No boundaries constrain their sundry positions

But they’re not all right, no whole truths in sight

A shimmer here and a glitter there

Surrounded by myths, lies and human fears

To have the truth laid out in plain sight

Would just make life so dull and boring

Mysteries are so much more alluring

The Good of Bad

When things turn blue…as they sometimes do

When all is wrong…and can’t be fixed

When life is dull…and lacking light

And you seem to think…it’s all not right

When life is stormy… and you’re getting dreary

You may think it’s a game…you may get weary

You just may think…the worlds’ out for you

And in some strange way…it may be true

If all were well…as we all might wish

Then we wouldn’t have to…go out and fish

We’d just sit tight…not needing a thing

We’d never grow…we’d always be the same

Like matter in space…objects in motion

We just tend to stick to all the same notions

Moving the right way…at just the right pace

Until some other force gets in our way

Multiplicity

I had a vision…a soul changing night

I fell to the ground…and entered the light

Just for a second…the secrets I saw

Just for a second…I perceived it all

So little recalled…now that it’s past

Even right then … I knew it wouldn’t last

All revelations…were lost in the end

My spirit within…blistered by its wind

One fragment I hold, one clue remains

All I remember, all that is sane

It came in stages it came in spews

I saw it all, but not at once

To take in this… you had to be here

To grapple that …you had to go there

 And then it was gone…it just could not last

It came very quick…and left really fast

But when I learn of levels in life

I feel the ideas could solve some strife

To see the brilliance of multiplicity

And give in to your own generosity

Y

Could it be that it’s not just me?

Could the problems in life stretch back in time

   To a split between two unique powers

      So overwhelmed by the other

         They ran off in fear

            Of a force that controls them

               In every known way

Pulling them up and

   Pushing them down  

      Just to feel how it feels

         To fall so far

            And fly so high

         To burn in hell

            And soar in heaven

         To live through the death of it all

            Reborn to a life

                Where they're finally free

And were happy just to be

   To live again: in peace…in love

      More alive than before

         More ready for it all

            Because you felt the fall

               Begged for an end to it all

And in the end God answered your call.

MISSISSIPPI

Faith and love is all that matters

   at least for the next 4 weeks

      I might not be able to do it forever

         but I can for at least 4 weeks

Better or else

   I’ll be the biggest hypocrite of all

In the end I’d rather be miserable with U

   then alone in a void of nothingness 

       ~ the hell I felt ~

So the only way to go on is to never lose hope

   that eventually love will win and all will give in

We’ll get it right in the long run

   So I must go on and keep trying

      to hold on to my faith that heaven will be

         if not in this life time then in the next

            or the next, or the next, or the next…..

So I’ll put up with the games

   and even except all the blame

      just to have the chance

         to show you we’re all the same

            and I’m really better friends

               with your soul than your ego

                  with all it’s fame

                     evading all blame

                        having no shame

                           it’s oh so lame!

I swear we’re all the same

   when we reenter our flame

FUCKED

It’s not my chaos. It’s not my pollution.

I’m just a person. I’m just a girl. I’m nothing at all.

But this place is fucked up. It’s a tangled mess that no one wants to wake up to long enough to see. It’s not my fault. I can’t take all that blame. It’s much too heavy for human arms to bear. The gods can handle it. They can help us if we would only wake up to them inside of us and have a little fucking trust in life. But until then we’re just going to keep fucking ourselves over until we explode, coz we’re in too deep. The web we’ve woven is too heavy for one person or one generation to deal with, because the pain that has caused this mess goes back thousands of years. The only way to deal with the mess is to deal with the pain, and it’s just too much for any human heart to bear. It breaks us from the start. We need help. Help is here. Do you want it? Then please take it before you burn yourself to the ground. And God, please give me the strength to do the same.

LOST

I can’t concentrate. I can’t think.

   I thought I had a destiny. I thought I had a fate

      I thought life had a meaning

I even thought there was more than I was seeing

But now there’s nothing

   No love holding me down

      I’m floating into space

With illusions and mass confusions

   Lacking meaning, lacking fusion

What’s the point?

what’s the use?

   Is it what you really want?

Could never lose

MY PLACE

You give my life a meaning

   You give my suffering a reason

       When I took it on all alone

          I was wiped off life’s throne

I felt so much hate

I wept and I burned

With rage and defeat

It’s all gone wrong

I knew it all along

I tried to say so

But every time I did

I was beaten down

It was always the same

it must be you cause we’re all fine

we get by, but you girl, are on fire

you’ll need to chill out if want to take a seat

in our little world full of lies and deceit

where heart’s go sour in ego’s shower